Best dating tip
Your 30s is the perfect time to branch out from your typical “type” and date new people. “I’ve encouraged dating coaching clients of mine to date outside of their comfort zone, initially with resistance,” Spira says.“It’s often a wonderful surprise when they actually enjoyed dating a different type than the ‘bad boys’ from earlier days.” That’s exactly why Virginia puts such a strong focus on inner traits instead of what looks good on paper.While dating apps have definitely proven to be effective in helping people find their person, if you’re exclusively relying on them to help you meet that special someone, you’re really missing out, Virginia says.Okay, so if you’re not meeting new people online, exactly do you meet your match? “Literally, I have been asked out on an airplane, at a coffee shop, at the bus stop.There is a temptation to create or communicate a [version of] you that, like an Instagram post, will garner the most likes.Do not contort yourself to fit what you presume others desire. Use Tinder to communicate what you actually desire, so you can find someone you truly like.”“We know it sounds counterintuitive, but you read this right.Focus your attention and energy on those good characteristics you’re looking for and then you’ll start spotting singles who embody those traits everywhere you go.To avoid wasting your time and getting emotionally attached to someone who will never be The One, Spira recommends sharing your intentions right from the beginning.
It’s important that you first get really clear about what you want, Virginia says.Having your intentions right there for everyone to see will prompt someone who’s just looking to have fun to swipe left and encourage someone who’s on the same page as you are to swipe right.Virginia totally agrees with being clear about your intentions, but she suggests having that conversation on the first date instead. “You don’t want to sit down with someone on a first date or your first encounter and make them feel like they’re in an interview or a screening process.” Instead, be curious and ask questions in an authentic and genuine way that will help you get a feel for what their goals are.“When you’re clear on the inner traits of someone, they’re probably going to come in a package you don’t expect,” she says. “I tell singles in their 30s to take a deep breath and not to focus on their age,” Spira says. “I find [rules] get in the way of finding a meaningful connection,” Spira says, because every situation is so different.“If you remain open to what they look like, how tall they are, what ethnicity they are, etc., then you can actually find an amazing person that you might otherwise miss.” Dating in your 30s can come with this sense of urgency to have everything “figured out” and a the-clock-is-ticking mentality that puts so much pressure on every. “Many worry they won’t be able to have children and that their shelf life will expire once they turn 39. Couples are able to have children later in life or adopt and be fulfilled.” Virginia seconds this and adds that as long as you’re doing all the things you can to help call in the right partner (i.e. “The best rule I can offer is not to wait for the ‘perfect person’ because we’re all imperfect.” “As humans, we’re social creatures,” Virginia says.